Meet Sara, from Ecuador. After traumatic experiences, she wants to share her story and support other women

Her journey of healing and self-discovery was one of the highlights at Finding a Job in America – A Night of Comedy and Horror, a year-end NWNY event that featured stories about the experiences and cultural missteps of immigrant women in their journey to find meaningful employment in New York City

Written by Maria Pyaterneva

It’s been almost a month since New Women New Yorkers (NWNY) celebrated its year-end event but we still feel deeply moved and uplifted by the stories of our participants, who shared their experiences and cultural missteps in their journey to find meaningful employment in New York City. One of the most powerful moments of the event happened when Sara, from Ecuador, took the stage to share her journey of reinvention as an advocate for abused and trafficked women. 

One week before the event, Sara talked with us about her participation in Finding a Job in America and opened up about her life story. She discussed how initiatives aimed at immigrants, like NWNY’s workforce development program (LEAD) have helped her to heal from her own traumas, but also allowed her to envision a new future for herself. Read below the edited version of this conversation. 

Hi Sara, thank you so much for being with us today. Why did you decide to join NWNY event and to speak in front of the public?
I want people to know my story. Many people live in a comfortable position, they did not struggle to go to a college, they never needed food. They should know that immigrants are capable. We are here to work hard, and we are here not to take anything from anyone. It is just about giving back to this country. [Sara’s phone rings and we pause  so she could answer the phone]. I just got a job! It is seasonal but anyway I am grateful! I take everything with thankfulness. I am also a New York State Chaplain. In this role, I work along the New York Police Department to provide spiritual and emotional support to people in need.  The majority of New York State Chaplains are clerks, advocates and activists, from different backgrounds and faiths. We have christians, muslims, buddhists… Our mission is just helping people, regardless of personal beliefs.

So interesting! Did you go through any training to work as a New York State Chaplain?
Yes, I went through a training and graduated. Then I received a badge. If there is an emergency, the New York State Chaplain Task Force calls me. I am involved with domestic violence and human trafficking. Other people work in jails, in hospitals and hospices. It depends on what your passion is, what you want to be involved with. If there is an emergency, let’s say a shooting, they can call anybody. So whoever is close to the place of emergency goes there and tries to help people. As a New York State Chaplains we ask if everything is okay, we call victims’ families if necessary and try to do our best to help and calm people down. The police department is responsible for the investigation, but not necessarily for talking to people in a way that will make them calmer. That’s not their primary job. That is why we are there.

Where you were born? How did you come to the United States?
I come from Ecuador, a poor and male-dominant country in South America. So when my husband said that we were going to the United States I had to give it all away and follow him.   It was never in my plans to come and overstay [my visa] here, but I did not have a voice in this decision and in my whole marriage. I was 40 years old then. I had a job in a big company in Ecuador. I made a mistake trusting my husband and allowing him to manage my life. Then I had to endure all sorts of abusive behaviour from him. I felt paralyzed and scared, I didn’t know what to do. I had episodes of suicidal thoughts and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), which I’ve been experiencing throughout my life. They started when I was 5 years old, when I was abused by my stepfather, and they have followed me afterwards, especially after immigrating to the United States. 

Why? Could you please tell me a bit more about it?
After being intercepted by the border patrol in January 2011, without any hope, and thinking that we were going to be deported, my husband and I decided that adoption was the only way for my oldest daughter to stay here legally and to be able to finish her college.  She was considered “in abandon” because of our immigration removal proceedings, and therefore could be considered for adoption. So she was adopted by an American family. It was a hard decision, but I hope she understands some day. She graduated with honors from a College in upstate NY in 2017 and has a Bachelor’s degree in International Business Administration.

I also was given for adoption when I was 3 months old, and, in the past, I was very cruel with my biological mother. So you see, life as it is. My daughter is there where I was. And I am here now where my biological mother was. Now I can feel how my biological mother felt. That is how I may forgive my mother. Because now I can understand many things. And I can understand my daughter because I was there too. I believe that she is going to understand me when she is going to become a mother. Because when you become a mother something changes inside you. It is a connection between baby and mother like nothing else in the world. I am being patient. I have so many things in my life to care of, to organize. I am trying to be ready when she will be ready for me.

Did you ever go to treatment to deal with trauma?
The most powerful therapy for me is helping others. When I am talking with others, my fears go away. Of course I also went to therapy – it was really helpful but very hard. I heard about PTSD when I was taking the Mental Health class of my training as a New York State Chaplain. I had no idea that I needed help or treatment. I used to repeat to myself “I am okay”. I didn’t want to admit I had a problem. I was afraid to go downhill – have my kid taken away from me, to be homeless, to not ever get a job. But at some point you need to face your fears to overcome them. Now I love myself and accept my past as the past. I don’t have suicidal thoughts anymore. 

What would you say to another women who are going through the same situation that you were? If you have a chance to support them what would be your advice?
Don’t think that you are garbage even if other people say you are. Look for people who can support you. There are many organizations out there. You can Google it, call them and they are more than happy to help you. Churches can refer you to organizations. Sometimes people want to escape but don’t know where to go, don’t have any money. So they can help you. The city has places where you can stay with your kids safe. But you need to know how to access them. Most important is: don’t be scared. I was scared. When you are scared, you still have to look for help. Nobody is going to judge you. You may call 311. 

And it is important to talk.  It took me almost 40 years to start talking. We need to tell our stories. So people can say “oh, this also happened with me”. Or “this is happening with my neighbor. Or with my sister, my cousin, my coworker.” Immigrant women, especially women from poor countries, are more vulnerable and need to be informed. We consider ourselves a little less than others. We are willing to accept whatever job and we are too scared to report about domestic violence and abuse. It is terrible to be undocumented. There is an atmosphere of hate right now. So this is why most women are quiet. They don’t report violence because if they are afraid to be in court and then to be deported.

Where in NYC you go to soothe yourself down?
I have one near my house. This is a Bay Ridge area. You can see the Verrazzano Bridge from there. There is a park and you can see the bay from it. And that area is very similar to that place I used to live in Ecuador. So every time I miss my country I went there and I stay on the top and look forward and remember my country and cry. I love to walk and to do exercises. It helps a lot. I love the Verrazzano Bridge.  In the night time it is beautiful and especially during the summertime. It is beautiful. It is very peaceful in the park. It is called Owl’s Head Park. I went there to cry a lot. But no more cry now. Just tears of joy.

You are very brave, Sara! Thank you for being so honest and open to share your experience. The most important is that you are not alone! We are here to help and support each other.
Everyone is struggling with something. We all have our battles. I used to think that I am the worst person in the world.  It took me almost 40 years to start talking. But now I am stronger. I am ready to share. It is not like I don’t have struggles anymore. I decided to face my life. I am trying to write my memoir. I applied for a scholarship and I got it! I am going to start classes about memoir writing this December. I want to capture what had happened with me. I love writing and I would love to have a career connected with it but you need to have money to study. It is expensive.

Tell me about your experience at LEAD, NWNY’s workforce development program?
At the beginning I thought it was only about how to make a resume. Then I saw how the program works and all the interactions among participants and I thought this was what I needed. I belong to a community in which I feel confident and in my comfort zone, so it’s very hard to leave it. Besides that, this administration reopened my immigrant case, so I was overwhelmed about that and about my job problems. I was ready to look for a help but I did not know how. The LEAD program showed me what is self-confidence. It helped me to understand how to use my strengths in a professional way and the workforce culture here in the United States. It is totally different from what I am used to. Just to mention one example  every time I was working within this community I was talking in Spanish, listening Bachata, dancing, ordering food. Outside this community, I still struggle with the cultural differences, but now I can say confidently “Hello I am Sara and I am looking for a job.” I know how to present myself and how to prepare for a job interview. The mock interview experience helped me a lot. It is like a training, the more you practice, the more you succeed. And I love the NWNY cultural events! 

Me too! I try to go to NYNW cultural events often.
Yes, I like them a lot! Immigrants are working in three jobs to provide support to our families here and to send money to our countries. I don’t go to museums a lot, but I like it. It’s always a great experience to go to different places like the Mayor’s House. I did not know about it before. NWNY helps you with your resume and prepare you to go to an interview but also continues to work with you. It doesn’t say “okay, bye-bye” like it may happen in other places. I love NWNY and the community. I promote the organization to everyone I meet.

To finish, do you have any other plans for the future?
Yes. I want to keep working with abused women, especially from immigrant backgrounds, which are the most vulnerable group among survivors of abuse. I would like to educate and inform them, raise awareness to issues of domestic violence and abuse, and to inspire them to work in jobs they haven’t done before, like those of carpenters, plumbers, electricians. Women can work in these fields. And this workforce is needed. We already have enough lawyers and doctors. 

One day, I took a Mindfulness class at NYU and the instructor said: “Close your eyes, meditate and see yourself outside of yourself.” I saw myself in a magazine or in news talking about me, but not essentially because I was important, but because I was helping others.  I have been in newspapers before due to a campaign to stop my deportation. I don’t want that kind of picture anymore!  l just want more people to know that they are not guilty for the past, that they can heal and start to smile again. In 2019, I finally realized how beautiful life is and how many people return my kind smile.