How I Have Built My Community in New York City

A personal experience in building a community in New York City, written by a Russian immigrant.

October 8, 2017. My plane landed at JFK airport. It was a hot fall evening. The only thing I had was a touristic backpack with all my dreams about a new life in it. My husband had his too. The first place we had in the new city was a living room in a one-bedroom apartment in South Brooklyn. On the first morning, we had breakfast at Mcdonald’s. Pancakes and coffee. After breakfast, we went to the store and bought a SIM card so that we could have a new number for our new life. Our neighbor Nina (a wonderful person and for us, as newly arrived immigrants, a gift from the sky) helped us buy adapters to use our Russian laptops. I was still working remotely as a Social Media Manager for a small web studio in Russia, but my salary wasn’t even enough to pay for a room here.

Tick-tock, tick-tock, sounded my inner mental clock. I felt that I needed to do something to take a step towards my new reality. I was excited and scared at the same time. The first morning passed quickly and the second did too, as if it was the very same joke repeating itself over and over again. Life was not waiting for me. It was running fast. I decided that it was time for me to create my new community.

Do you remember the 2008 movie Yes Man with Jim Carrey? The main character Carl Allen, a bank loan officer, loses his life after he divorces. Carl’s colleague suggests that he joins a motivational workshop to change his life. Since the seminar, Carl decides to say “Yes” to every opportunity in his life and wait for what will happen. I will avoid further spoilers, in case you haven’t watched the movie. But consider watching it if you feel sad or depressed, or if you need a good movie for this hard time in history. I, too, needed to learn to say “Yes” more so that I could move forward.

Let’s return to the hot October days in New York City and me having absolutely no friends here. I had such a strong desire to be with my family and with my friends back in Russia. I remember feeling hopeless about my loneliness. Then, I realized that I had committed to be happy here. I opened my social media and started looking for somebody among my friends’ friends living in NYC. I found a couple of names, texted them, and invited them for coffee.

I got the first reply from a friend of a friend shortly after. We decided to meet near the ocean for a coffee the next Saturday. When the day came, I was ready to cancel. I did not feel like meeting a new person and making an effort to make a good impression. I now recognize that I was looking for excuses to avoid new people. I thought that I didn’t have the energy to start building a new friendship. However, that Saturday morning, I looked in the mirror, reminded myself of Yes Man, and stepped out of our building, which was near Avenue U station. It was my first step toward my new life.

This step has brought me to a wonderful friendship with my first friend in New York. Two months later, in December, we rented our own small but cozy apartment in Brooklyn. I invited 12 new friends to our place to celebrate Christmas. It was a magical evening with my new people. We all were from different countries and different backgrounds. We all had different dreams and different goals. We were so happy that day. I am now grateful for having encouraged myself to make that first step on that Saturday.

Since that day, I have experienced many other wonderful encounters. One of them happened when I joined New Women New Yorkers as a participant of the LEAD program at the Manhattan Library, next to Bryant Park. One year later, I am sitting in the same small apartment in Brooklyn, on a big Ikea red chair, and I am writing this story to encourage you all to make the first step towards building new friendships and a (new) community. I promise it will be a wild but very exciting adventure.

Please, say “Yes,” when you feel ready.